We all have them. The people in our lives where the curiosity sets in when it comes to the bedroom. You’ve heard stories, the gawking intensifies and there could be some mildly flirting. Now, you’re at an impasse. To bone or not to bone? I’m pretty sure that was what Shakespeare was trying to say in Hamlet, I’m sure of it. Confidence sets in but before pulling the trigger, that painful question sets in.
Is it really worth it?
There are tons of scenarios that can come out of having sex with a friend. The best case scenario is that the two of you are on the same page and it’s blissful. For the past 7 years, me and my bro have been rocking it out and it made our friendship strong. Other friends in my life? Not so much. Lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice and there’s no need to rock the boat. Don’t take my word on it because every friendship has a different dynamic. Feel it out first by having hypothetical conversations because you know what they say when you assume things? You make an ass out of you and me.
What I’m really trying to say is tread lightly and talk about it as soon as you can after it happens. Sweeping it under the rug just gives the elephant in the room more food and doesn’t want to budge. Addressing it bring clarity to the situation and if the friendship falls apart, then that person was a lame ass. If they couldn’t handle a sexual relationship without over analyzing the situation, it wasn’t worth it. At the end of the day, you need to worry about you and only you. Don’t need to surround yourself with people who have no clue how to have fun.
Just remember one thing, feelings, amongst other things, is something you don’t want to catch. Mentally prepare yourself for the worst because no one likes to sidelined. But just remember to think one thing, this is a two way street. As consenting adults, you both chose to get naked so brace yourself.
To make it short, just do it because you don’t want to regret not making the move. The only regrets one should have in life is for the things you didn’t do. Make sure you throw a rubber on it because no one likes pregnancy. Be grown up about it and don’t over think it. Whatever happens will happen and there’s no need to drive yourself mental thinking about possible outcomes. Embrace and if they have central air, make it a summer time thing for sure.
Single women in New York City have this week marked off in their calendars every single year. Well, except for last year because people in our Nation’s Capital decide to be cry babies and have a shutdown (breathe Melissa, breathe!!). I digress. Anyways, with Memorial Day being the unofficial kick off for Summer; Fleet Week is the countdown to the Holiday. For 6 glorious days, members who serve our country’s Navy, Marine and Coast Guard come to NYC to enjoy the sights and have our citizens show their appreciation for being selfless.
If you happen to be visiting NYC for Fleet Week, there are tons of events for you to do in the day time. Whether you want to get the grand tour of the ships that are docked in Manhattan or Staten Island or maybe be an awesome person and give some of our servicemen a tour of our city, there’s always something to do. While the cool stuff is during the day time, don’t forget that they are here to play.
In my conquest of singledom this Summer, I definitely look forward to Fleet Week even though I met my most recent ex that week in 2011. That experience won’t damper on what I call “Christmas in May”. One thing I can not emphasize enough that it will be a jungle out there. I frequent many of the bars in the Broadway/Times Square area other times out of the year but for 6 days, they are so packed that you are going to get molested. You need to be on your A-Game because remember, there are at least 100 other single girls looking for the same thing as you.
Have a buddy system with your girlfriends! You will all get separated at one point so make sure you have a meeting spot after the night is over. I usually hit the bars with one or two other girls so that way we can’t lose each other. Whenever I walk into the bar whether it may be The Mean Fiddler or Pig ‘N Whistle, I make sure they know I’m in that bitch. Being a Navy Brat has given me the upper hand throughout the years in connecting with the hot sailors who want to have a good time. I gotta show my appreciation for our men in uniform somehow, right?
Maybe you’ll find your soul mate at the other end of the bar or the best sex session you’ve ever have, make this week count. This will be the precursor to how the rest of your summer will play out. If the guy doesn’t call you ever, don’t freak out. Remember, they have the same mind set that you have while they’re in our great city. Just make sure he wraps it up, Okay?
The concept of feelings make me extremely uncomfortable. Nothing stresses me out more than things I have no control over. Yes, I have control tendencies due to my intense analytical nature. Having the mindset of having the need to break things down into pieces can be both a blessing and a curse. When it comes to me wanting to attempt an actual relationship, my mind goes into full-blown panic mode. Why? Because I had adapted a lifestyle that included thoughtless sex that anything more than that would render my brain catatonic.
What’s a woman to do when the feels come to fruition? In all honestly, I do one of two things: purposely sabotage the relationship in the infancy stage or constantly binge drink so that my potential boyfriend thinks I’m a raging alcoholic. Terrible methods? Yes, extremely but they are highly effective. There has been instances where both my methods were not successful. Thankfully, I can make myself disappear in those worse case scenarios. Nothing makes my skin crawl than having the feels.
Does this mean that I will never have those vomit-inducing feelings towards a guy that people like Nicolas Sparks has successfully exploited for profit? Quite possibly but my girl friends would tell me otherwise. They would remind me how much of a “catch” I am and that I will find the love of my life. I mean, I’m not completely ruling this out but then again, my almost black lungs can’t afford to hold my breath. The last thing I want to do is to hold out for a hero when I could be hitting the bars and making out with complete strangers. If it so happens that I might have had a one night stand with my “soul mate” but I didn’t want to wait until the next morning to find that out. Too many booty calls and not enough hours in the day. This is especially the case when it comes to the feels; nobody has time to waste on that nonsense.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being single. The thought of being able to stay out until 4 am, drinking and hanging with friends without hearing someone complain about it is quite amazing. With people shacking up faster than the speed of light scares me a little. I mean, who would have thought 26, going on 27 would seem old in the settling down department? Not me, that’s for sure.
Pictures of keg stands and statuses about being hungover are being replaced with friends changing their relationship status to engaged or married. Let’s clear up one thing, I’m not bitter or resentful towards them. Everyone finds their zone of happiness at different points of their life and I haven’t found mine yet.
The journey starts here. Sure, I have a double Bachelor’s degree in English and Music but it doesn’t pay the bills quite yet. I love my retail job because honestly, they treat me the way I deserve to be, with respect. As I sip on my PBR tallboy (for those in the dark, a tallboy beer is a 16oz can) before $1 beer night, I reflect on my awesome single life. I mean, not having a stable relationship in the last 4 years isn’t a bad thing, right? I love to date around and testing the waters. I mean, why buy something without trying it on right?
Folks, that’s my mantra for love and I’m sticking to it.