Can it be February 15th Already?

 

 

Here we are again. When you work at a place that capitalizes on Valentine’s Day, you can’t escape the love birds that you have to interact with until February 15th. After a few years in the game, it doesn’t bother me but I’m pretty sure there’s some people who need those survival tips. Tired of your relationships giving you the shit about being single on the 14th? First off, they can go away because you’re awesome on your own. Secondly, peep this list below because this is how I’ve survived every Valentine’s day ever since I told my ex-fiance to fall down a flight of stairs.

1. Don’t Believe The Hype.

Trust me when I say, your wallet would be so thankful for this. Spending money on outfits, going to a superfluous restaurant for an overpriced prix-fixe meal and buying flowers that have a shelf life of 4 days is quite unnecessary. Use that money that you saved on this day and go somewhere fun like Miami (I’m quite biased because I fucking live for South Beach) or binge drink at the bar. At the end of the day, you being single gives you options.

2. Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Don’t Make me a Match.

Everyone in your circle thinks they have the best intentions for you. “Oh, don’t be alone on this day.” or “I know this really cute person at my job who just so happens to be single.” Seriously, back off and let a girl breathe! It’s only one day and I can guarantee that I will never see this person again so, why force something to happen. Plus, from experience, your date can get stage-5 clinger quickly. Not a cute look at all.

3. Keep Being Single and Carry on.

You’re awesome all on your own and don’t let the social norms dictate that otherwise for you. I’m fully aware that now, in ny thirties, the expectation to be locked down in a marriage is higher than ever. How many fucks do I give? None. And neither should you. Whatever your reason is to be single, stand your ground and don’t let the pressure consume you. The last thing anyone should subject themselves to is an unhappy relationship.

Look, February 14th is just another Tuesday to me this year that I’ll treat it as such. Just don’t be caught on the 13th and thinking you can get something with no strings attached. You’ll regret it, trust me.
Any tips on how you survive this holiday as an awesome single person? Share in the comments below.

Peace out cub scout,

Melissa

Guess Who Is Not Coming To Dinner.

  credit: someecards.com

I mean, luckily for me, this wouldn’t be a pressing topic during this year’s bird fest at my mom’s house.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I brought a boyfriend or even a date of the opposite sex home for Thanksgiving. For all I know, my ex-fiance might have been the last guy to set foot into my mom’s house and we split in 2006. So if I do my calculations correctly, it’s has been 9 fucking years I’ve been flying solo during Turkey Day. The silver lining to not bringing a date, more food to stuff my face with and not worrying about getting too drunk and embarrassing my date. A box wine or 3 is what I usually ingest during EACH holiday. What can I say? Not a fan of the holiday season.

Dawning on me this year that it will be just be me and my mom during our fest, kind of made me realize that I’ve been single during every Holiday since I was 19. For some reason, I avoid relationships like the plague during the months of October and March. Could it be that I hate the fake interest that my family imposes on a potential suitor during introductions? Or maybe I’m too much of a cheap ass to buy someone not only a Christmas gift, but something for Valentine’s Day? Whatever the reason it is, just happens to work out for me in that way. Sometimes, it’s better off to not rock the boat.

Being told countless times that the Holiday season is the perfect time to be love is a crock of shit. My line of work is retail and if the last two week has been an indication of anything, I won’t have time to shower, let alone date. Next Wednesday is Thanksgiving Eve. For those that live under a rock, it’s one of the biggest party nights of year, up there with Cinco De Mayo and St Patrick’s Day. You get to see all of your friends that are home for Thanksgiving and get shit faced because everyone is off from work the next day. If I play my cards right, I’ll be with my ladies and maybe sucking some dude’s face for the night.

Taking a few days off from partying in anticipation of this crazy single girl Holiday season is what needs to be done. Good for Charles Manson for finally getting married. He’s 80 years old and in prison so I have plenty of time to fall in love before getting hitched. Like 52 years is a long ass time because for all I know, the man of my dreams isn’t born yet.

Too-la-loo bitches!