Shoulda. Woulda. Coulda.

credit: someecards.com
credit: someecards.com

We all have them. The people in our lives where the curiosity sets in when it comes to the bedroom. You’ve heard stories, the gawking intensifies and there could be some mildly flirting. Now, you’re at an impasse. To bone or not to bone?  I’m pretty sure that was what Shakespeare was trying to say in Hamlet, I’m sure of it. Confidence sets in but before pulling the trigger, that painful question sets in.

Is it really worth it?

There are tons of scenarios that can come out of having sex with a friend. The best case scenario is that the two of you are on the same page and it’s blissful. For the past 7 years, me and my bro have been rocking it out and it made our friendship strong. Other friends in my life? Not so much. Lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice and there’s no need to rock the boat. Don’t take my word on it because every friendship has a different dynamic. Feel it out first by having hypothetical conversations because you know what they say when you assume things? You make an ass out of you and me. 

What I’m really trying to say is tread lightly and talk about it as soon as you can after it happens. Sweeping it under the rug just gives the elephant in the room more food and doesn’t want to budge. Addressing it bring clarity to the situation and if the friendship falls apart, then that person was a lame ass. If they couldn’t handle a sexual relationship without over analyzing the situation, it wasn’t worth it. At the end of the day, you need to worry about you and only you. Don’t need to surround yourself with people who have no clue how to have fun.

Just remember one thing, feelings, amongst other things, is something you don’t want to catch. Mentally prepare yourself for the worst because no one likes to sidelined. But just remember to think one thing, this is a two way street. As consenting adults, you both chose to get naked so brace yourself.

To make it short, just do it because you don’t want to regret not making the move. The only regrets one should have in life is for the things you didn’t do. Make sure you throw a rubber on it because no one likes pregnancy. Be grown up about it and don’t over think it. Whatever happens will happen and there’s no need to drive yourself mental thinking about possible outcomes. Embrace and if they have central air, make it a summer time thing for sure.

Peace Out Cub Scouts.

Melissa

 

Surviving Summer 2014.

credit: sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Ahh yes, Summer unofficially starts in 7 days with Memorial Day Weekend. To commemorate the first official single summer I’ve had in 3 years, I feel like I should share my game plan for the summer with all of you. It’s all about having the right strategy and keeping your game face on. One rookie mistake that I see a lot of newly single females do is taking on too much in one night. Ladies, you need to calm the fuck down and pace yourself. Whether you’re planning to be hella ratchet at the club or having a classy night out with your broads, take the following into account.

The Bitch Brigade.

credit: https://files.nyu.edu/jk3581

You need to surround yourself with top-tier party and/or slutty girls in order to make your night a success. The last thing you want is to have Negative Nancy bitching about being tired at 11:30 p.m. when you haven’t even finished your 3rd Vodka & Tonic. Leave the cry babies at home and bring out the best of the best. You need that female wingwoman that is not only trying to get herself laid, but to make sure you get that one night stand you desire. Your cup is never empty because you all will be buying rounds of shots to keep it moving til 4 am and will hold your hair back when you gotta yak that Wendy’s you ate before going out.

Don’t Stop Moving

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Look, I know the importance of an amazing outfit and how every detail matters. But for crying out loud, if you can’t wear heels, keep them home. If you know damn well you’re a sloppy drunk, get some hella cute flats and call it a day. The last thing you want to do is to be dry humping a hottie on the dance floor and end up in the Emergency Room because you busted your ass while wearing 5 inch heels. Want to wear those Jimmy Choo’s you got on discount at the outlets? Make sure to hit up your local CVS or Duane Reade to get some disposable flats for that walk of shame in the morning. Trust me, it’ll be the best $10 you’ll spend this summer.

Balling on a Budget.

credit: http://gifsec.com

Pre-gaming is an art form that needs to be taken seriously when you plan on hitting the town this summer. Learning to budget yourself is so essential because by binge drinking at home before heading out will save you extra money for that cab ride home. Just remember one thing, don’t get too turnt up at your girl’s house. If that douchey bouncer sees the slightest bit of drunkenness in your face, he will deny your ass. Do what I do: drink a few beers and shots at my girl’s house then bring an iced tea bottle that’s filled with rum and diet coke. That way, I keep my buzz going on my way to the club and I would only need to buy 1-2 drinks at $11 a piece. I know my drunk ass will be too lazy to take the subway and I need that $1 slice to survive the commute home.

Wrap It Up

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Nothing pains me more than hearing someone scream through the phone, “HOLY SHIT I’M 2 WEEKS LATE!!!!!” after knowing that your girl went home with that creeper that brought her that Malibu Bay Breeze. Do not assume that guys always carry condoms with them because, well… just don’t make that assumption. Be bold and bring rubbers with you during your journey. Yes, it does come off a bit presumptuous and slutty but since when do you care about how people saw you? The only thing I am concerned with is not catching something like Chlamydia or worse… pregnancy.

Window of Opportunity

credit: singlegirlstatus.wordpress.com

Keep it moving girl. No one wants to be hung up on one person for 100 days when you can have 100 guys every single day during the summer. I mean, if you can handle that many men in one season, YOU GO GLEN COCO. The point that I’m trying to get accross that if that guy doesn’t call you back, on to the next. You have a small time frame to wear your skimpiest clothing and grab as many numbers as you physically could. Sure, your summer fling might end up being your future boyfriend but don’t hold your breath. Always have plans B-Z if plan A doesn’t pan out for you. It’s not cute to be waiting for your phone to ring because I’m pretty sure he won’t do the same for you.

 

credit: https://24.media.tumblr.com/79d614d98215d66340598c4e6f9c3e4b/tumblr_n5mqr9Body1rptveko1_500.jpg

Just remember one thing ladies, it’s all about you. Whether you’ve been single for 5 minutes or 5 months, the point is to live it up. Do all of the things you were nervous to do when you were in a relationship and say fuck it. Enjoy your summer whether it’s in South Beach getting your tan on or a ladies weekend in Las Vegas. Drink hard and party harder because once Labor Day rolls around, you’re stuck with heavy clothing unless you hit up Cancun in October. Don’t let anyone rain on your parade and allow them to judge you. People are going to drink haterade and look down on you. Ironically, those judgemental tools are the ones who don’t know how to have a great time and get loose. Remember, you’re sexy, single and sassy, so do you boo boo.

Toodles Bitches,

Melissa

Unintentional Hiatus.

Well look at that, guys. I’m actually alive and kicking!

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It has been a hectic few months with adjusting with the insanity of Post-Holiday retail and trying to make moves so I can afford craft beer and non-well shots when I venture to Manhattan. I guess when you work 45-50 hours a week, your blog kind of has to sit on the back burner for a little bit. But have no fear, Melissa Henry is here!!

For those you don’t leave on the Eastern Seaboard, we had a shitty winter. Due to the multiple occurances of the Polar Vortex, I was pretty much hibernating. I mean, who wants to go out in a short dress and heels when it’s 20 degrees out with a wind chill factor of -5? Not me, good sir! If I could stroll around the Meatpacking District with short shorts and strappy sandals, I totes would.

Summer is quickly approaching and it only means one thing for myself…

SINGLE GIRL ADVENTURES.

Sure, I know you guys love to read about the shit-show that is my love life but I want to switch it up! One thing that will be included from this point on is my favorite cheap spots all around NYC. Whether you’re in town for a week or live here and have no idea about these awesome places, I believe sharing is caring.

Until then my loves.