Can it be February 15th Already?

 

 

Here we are again. When you work at a place that capitalizes on Valentine’s Day, you can’t escape the love birds that you have to interact with until February 15th. After a few years in the game, it doesn’t bother me but I’m pretty sure there’s some people who need those survival tips. Tired of your relationships giving you the shit about being single on the 14th? First off, they can go away because you’re awesome on your own. Secondly, peep this list below because this is how I’ve survived every Valentine’s day ever since I told my ex-fiance to fall down a flight of stairs.

1. Don’t Believe The Hype.

Trust me when I say, your wallet would be so thankful for this. Spending money on outfits, going to a superfluous restaurant for an overpriced prix-fixe meal and buying flowers that have a shelf life of 4 days is quite unnecessary. Use that money that you saved on this day and go somewhere fun like Miami (I’m quite biased because I fucking live for South Beach) or binge drink at the bar. At the end of the day, you being single gives you options.

2. Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Don’t Make me a Match.

Everyone in your circle thinks they have the best intentions for you. “Oh, don’t be alone on this day.” or “I know this really cute person at my job who just so happens to be single.” Seriously, back off and let a girl breathe! It’s only one day and I can guarantee that I will never see this person again so, why force something to happen. Plus, from experience, your date can get stage-5 clinger quickly. Not a cute look at all.

3. Keep Being Single and Carry on.

You’re awesome all on your own and don’t let the social norms dictate that otherwise for you. I’m fully aware that now, in ny thirties, the expectation to be locked down in a marriage is higher than ever. How many fucks do I give? None. And neither should you. Whatever your reason is to be single, stand your ground and don’t let the pressure consume you. The last thing anyone should subject themselves to is an unhappy relationship.

Look, February 14th is just another Tuesday to me this year that I’ll treat it as such. Just don’t be caught on the 13th and thinking you can get something with no strings attached. You’ll regret it, trust me.
Any tips on how you survive this holiday as an awesome single person? Share in the comments below.

Peace out cub scout,

Melissa

Advertisements

Shoulda. Woulda. Coulda.

credit: someecards.com

credit: someecards.com

We all have them. The people in our lives where the curiosity sets in when it comes to the bedroom. You’ve heard stories, the gawking intensifies and there could be some mildly flirting. Now, you’re at an impasse. To bone or not to bone?  I’m pretty sure that was what Shakespeare was trying to say in Hamlet, I’m sure of it. Confidence sets in but before pulling the trigger, that painful question sets in.

Is it really worth it?

There are tons of scenarios that can come out of having sex with a friend. The best case scenario is that the two of you are on the same page and it’s blissful. For the past 7 years, me and my bro have been rocking it out and it made our friendship strong. Other friends in my life? Not so much. Lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice and there’s no need to rock the boat. Don’t take my word on it because every friendship has a different dynamic. Feel it out first by having hypothetical conversations because you know what they say when you assume things? You make an ass out of you and me. 

What I’m really trying to say is tread lightly and talk about it as soon as you can after it happens. Sweeping it under the rug just gives the elephant in the room more food and doesn’t want to budge. Addressing it bring clarity to the situation and if the friendship falls apart, then that person was a lame ass. If they couldn’t handle a sexual relationship without over analyzing the situation, it wasn’t worth it. At the end of the day, you need to worry about you and only you. Don’t need to surround yourself with people who have no clue how to have fun.

Just remember one thing, feelings, amongst other things, is something you don’t want to catch. Mentally prepare yourself for the worst because no one likes to sidelined. But just remember to think one thing, this is a two way street. As consenting adults, you both chose to get naked so brace yourself.

To make it short, just do it because you don’t want to regret not making the move. The only regrets one should have in life is for the things you didn’t do. Make sure you throw a rubber on it because no one likes pregnancy. Be grown up about it and don’t over think it. Whatever happens will happen and there’s no need to drive yourself mental thinking about possible outcomes. Embrace and if they have central air, make it a summer time thing for sure.

Peace Out Cub Scouts.

Melissa

 

Caught in Saran Wrap.

credit to themorningnews.org

I was on a mission to have some serious fun this past summer. Meaning? I often tend to get myself in situations of one night stands. One thing I always forget to mentally prepare myself for is the inevitable stage-5 clinger. Why isn’t there a world wide memo for all of the single people in the world. There should be a handbook on how to tactfully handle a one night stand or a weekend of fun without coming off as a psycho stalker.

There has been a HUGE misconception that women are generally the one’s that attached to someone after having a moment of hot sweaty bliss. In reality, men are starting to react in that behavior. As a woman on the prowl, I come in with the expectation of no strings. Instead, I get clung on to like a dog in heat, humping on your leg. I mean, granted, the 7 shots of Jameson REALLY did me in. What do you expect? I’m at the Jersey Shore at a club, of course I was going to get free shots all night. But I digress. What had blown my mind was the amount of attention he was demanding post-coitus. Nothing is more annoying that a string of questions that would make someone come off as extremely needy. Why does it matter if this was a one time deal or if I liked you? You got what you wanted out of the night, so don’t make it more than what it was.

What it really boils down to is, Summer means no strings. Unless the person you plan on hooking up with it makes it common knowledge that they’re looking for something more, don’t make it more than what it is. I honestly thought the kid was cool to hang with before we got naked. Now? Not so much. Such a shame too because now when we are in the same room, shit gets hella awkward. Well in my defense, he makes it awkward for me and everyone else.  Remember folks, Saran Wrap is quite difficult to remove.