One Strike Left.

credit: someecards.com

So in my line of work, the glorious world of retail, I get to interact with people from all walks of life. It was stupid slow where there was more workers than customers one day, so we got to have full blown conversations. There was a person, I come to find out was in her early 30s with one of her kids. When I told her I was childless and single at 28, she said, “Good, because you’re too young anyway.”

Wait a minute, did this lady read my blog? Didn’t we have a conversation about this a few days back? In all seriousness, I was taken aback by her comment because I’ve felt nothing but pressure lately to get hitched. We continued to converse and discovered the source of her comment. She got married at 22, the same age I would have gotten married from my first engagement. Not once mentioning her husband, made me wonder if they were in a good place or not.

Psh, probably not.

Being engaged twice, at 19 and 26, were two life changing experiences for me. Yes, I just broke off an engagement about a year ago. There was no way I could commit myself to someone when I change my mind about things every 30 seconds. Another thing that made me walk away from both guys is that I clearly love myself more than I ever cared about them. Call me selfish, I don’t give a fuck, but I am my number 1 priority in my life until the day I die. No one, and I mean no one, loves me like I love me. Plus, who needs a man when I’m just a two train trip to the West Village where I can buy a vibrator. Am I right? Sure, it does get lonely from time to time but when I hug my ladybug Pillow Pet at night, the pain subsides.

With that being said, the thought of looking for a relationship is the farthest from my mind. The pressure of marriage still looms over my head and I’m fed up with this shit. At this moment, I am experiencing little to no stress because of the fact that I don’t have a guy barking at me for living my life. Now, I get to go out, get as shit faced as I want and don’t have to worry about making someone look bad because apparently, I only attracted judgmental bros. I’m awesome on my own too, you know.

Bye Felicias.

 

Paola Melissas

 

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Resolutions are for Squares.

New Year's Resolutions

 

 

 

 

 

 

You hear the same things around this time every year:

I’m going to start a diet and lose weight!

I think I’ll become more adventurous.

Being frugal is something I should look into doing.

Whatever happened to being content with the person you are? It just might be me but New Year Resolutions are absolutely pointless. I have yet to meet an individual that has kept their resolution for 365 days. Sure, you want to sound like you want to have your shit together and accomplish something. Is there a need to announce it to the entire world though? Nothing irks me more than logging on to my Facebook page after an all night drinking binge to read people trying to change their lives.  All of these people that try to please the world made me vomit that morning, not the 12 shots of Jameson that I had from the night before.

You’re probably sitting in front of your computer thinking, ‘Who does this self-righteous bitch think she is?’ Let me explain quickly to you.  To quote Barney Stintson from the show How I Met Your Mother, “I Don’t Get Sad, I Get Awesome.” There. I used to dwell on the so-called imperfections in my life until the year I ended behind bars for being reckless and under-aged. In that moment, I started to give no fucks about anything that I did in my life. Sure, I’ve made shitty decisions but I owned those choices. Those particular bad life decisions has led me down the road to the person that I am today, so why change that?

Sure, I can lose a few pounds and stop making it rain at the bar by buying shots for strangers. That I should be saving up money so I can move out of my mom’s couch. I don’t need it to be January 1st of any year to make those “grown-up” decisions about how I should be living my life. In the words of a rampant toddler, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT.

By the way, Happy New Year guys. Continue to make bad decisions, I know I will.