You Need To Keep It Cool.

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Summer is here and as I slowly inch closer to 30, I’ve decided to make this upcoming season count. With that in mind, I feel like sharing my game plan with the world. I can’t be the only person that is going hard for the next three months, so here are my pearls of wisdom.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

First impressions are so crucial in order to get inside those pants tonight. Do everyone a favor, don’t ramble like a crazy person. I know that may sound extremely harsh but honestly, they are not there for the small talk. Keep it basic, you don’t even have to give out your full name. The less information you give away, the smaller chance you’ll get Facebook stalked if shit hits the fan. Trust me, you don’t want to be stalked throughout all social media avenues. Not a cute look.

Keep It Cool, Baby. 

Chances are, the person you’re making out after 5 shots of Tequila isn’t going to be your newest boyfriend/girlfriend. The last thing you want to do is to freak this person out by speaking words of commitment. Summer has become synonymous with hot and steamy hookups, so don’t make it more than it needs to be. Now, if it lasts the whole season and your curiosity peaks around September, then the two of you could have the talk. For now, just enjoy yourselves and put a condom on it.

Be Prepared

Ah yes, the mantra of the Boy Scouts. At the end of the day, you never know where the night will lead you. With that in mind, you have to keep an open mind and the essential tools. I get it, you want to look like the sexiest person in the room but you have to keep in mind of the walk of shame you’ll be doing in the morning. It can be as simple as packing up a pair of sunglasses, some Aspirin and a pair of stockings or leggings to make your commute home easier. If taking public transit is undesirable, I totally recommend using the LYFT app. I have found it to be cheaper than Uber and just as efficient. You don’t want to feel guilty about the amazing night you had by having those jealous, judgmental people staring you down. They’re envious that they couldn’t do what you did last night, don’t let the haters hold you down!

Just remember one thing, you need to have fun. Of course, you need to be careful because the last thing you want is catch something gross like or worse… Pregnancy. So as I get older and find myself less likely to want to settle down, I plan on taking it a day at a time.

Peace Out Cub Scouts.

Melissa

 

 

Caught in Saran Wrap.

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I was on a mission to have some serious fun this past summer. Meaning? I often tend to get myself in situations of one night stands. One thing I always forget to mentally prepare myself for is the inevitable stage-5 clinger. Why isn’t there a world wide memo for all of the single people in the world. There should be a handbook on how to tactfully handle a one night stand or a weekend of fun without coming off as a psycho stalker.

There has been a HUGE misconception that women are generally the one’s that attached to someone after having a moment of hot sweaty bliss. In reality, men are starting to react in that behavior. As a woman on the prowl, I come in with the expectation of no strings. Instead, I get clung on to like a dog in heat, humping on your leg. I mean, granted, the 7 shots of Jameson REALLY did me in. What do you expect? I’m at the Jersey Shore at a club, of course I was going to get free shots all night. But I digress. What had blown my mind was the amount of attention he was demanding post-coitus. Nothing is more annoying that a string of questions that would make someone come off as extremely needy. Why does it matter if this was a one time deal or if I liked you? You got what you wanted out of the night, so don’t make it more than what it was.

What it really boils down to is, Summer means no strings. Unless the person you plan on hooking up with it makes it common knowledge that they’re looking for something more, don’t make it more than what it is. I honestly thought the kid was cool to hang with before we got naked. Now? Not so much. Such a shame too because now when we are in the same room, shit gets hella awkward. Well in my defense, he makes it awkward for me and everyone else.  Remember folks, Saran Wrap is quite difficult to remove.