Miscounting Those Damn Chickens

When you’re in a brand spanking new relationship, it’s hard not to think all of the supposed “amazing” possibilities of where it will go. I mean, the newlywed stage of any relationship is both exciting and frightening. One thing that I wish I could have told myself three years ago?

No bullshit is worth putting your whole life on hold for.

Truth be told, I was in a situation where I was technically in a long distance relationship with a guy for three years. When him and I first met, it was a love story that only those cheesy romance novelists could orchestrate. I was acting very naive for the first time since my first engagement (don’t worry, that juicy story will come soon). Granted, I wanted my life at the time to come full circle but I went about it the wrong way.

Long story short, I recently discovered that through Social Media, he had another person in his life. I always felt that there was always someone else but just the way the piece fell was extremely shitty. Mind you, he had proposed marriage after only knowing each other for a year. In retrospect, I’m thankful I didn’t say yes, that I made him wait to this day for a response. I mean, if you want to see someone else, do you boo boo. Just don’t play me for a fool.

My main thought is that I don’t cry over shit like this. I always treat it like it’s their loss and not mine. Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. Why does Melissa think that way? I’ve always thought highly of myself. Calling me awesome and a bad ass is an understatement in my eyes. People gravitate me from all walks of life so if I’m not wanted, womp womp for you my friend.

That is one piece of advice I want to share with all of my single people. Own being single and develop that swag. Mind you, I wasn’t always this confident. There was a point in my life where I felt like if a guy didn’t want me, it was all of my fault. Over time, I’ve developed this mentality that kept me strong. Hear me out lovelies, it gets better when you get older. Yes, it sounds so stupid but trust me. I may be single, for now, but I’m having the time of my life.

You want to hear about my first engagement? I don’t think you’re ready for it. 😉

 

Too la loo bitches.

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Resolutions are for Squares.

New Year's Resolutions

 

 

 

 

 

 

You hear the same things around this time every year:

I’m going to start a diet and lose weight!

I think I’ll become more adventurous.

Being frugal is something I should look into doing.

Whatever happened to being content with the person you are? It just might be me but New Year Resolutions are absolutely pointless. I have yet to meet an individual that has kept their resolution for 365 days. Sure, you want to sound like you want to have your shit together and accomplish something. Is there a need to announce it to the entire world though? Nothing irks me more than logging on to my Facebook page after an all night drinking binge to read people trying to change their lives.  All of these people that try to please the world made me vomit that morning, not the 12 shots of Jameson that I had from the night before.

You’re probably sitting in front of your computer thinking, ‘Who does this self-righteous bitch think she is?’ Let me explain quickly to you.  To quote Barney Stintson from the show How I Met Your Mother, “I Don’t Get Sad, I Get Awesome.” There. I used to dwell on the so-called imperfections in my life until the year I ended behind bars for being reckless and under-aged. In that moment, I started to give no fucks about anything that I did in my life. Sure, I’ve made shitty decisions but I owned those choices. Those particular bad life decisions has led me down the road to the person that I am today, so why change that?

Sure, I can lose a few pounds and stop making it rain at the bar by buying shots for strangers. That I should be saving up money so I can move out of my mom’s couch. I don’t need it to be January 1st of any year to make those “grown-up” decisions about how I should be living my life. In the words of a rampant toddler, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT.

By the way, Happy New Year guys. Continue to make bad decisions, I know I will.

Summertime Sadness.

Three solid months of day drinking, trips to the beach and the peak of Wedding season. In all honesty, I would rather suffer through ANOTHER heatwave than have to see another post on Facebook about someone’s martial bliss.

Don’t get me wrong, I support all of the decisions that my friends make in regards of their love life. Especially the poor decisions, I encourage those. As I inch closer and closer to 30, I sense this unnecessary pressure to get hitched, buy a house and start a family. Having your peers tell you that you kind of need to grow up is ridiculous. I mean, I had no idea there was an age limit for me to have all night rage sessions with the small group of single friends I have left. Who really wants to be a responsible adult anyways?

Growing up, Summer felt like the time of year that being single was something people wanted. Fall and Winter was designated for intense cuddle sessions due to the chilly temperatures. If you happen to hate sweat and body contact as much as I do, Summer would be the worst for you as it is for me. Holding a sweaty hand? I’d rather sit through a Justin Bieber concert.

Marriage? It’ll happen when I’m ready to sign away all of my freedoms. In all honesty, I’m secretly holding out for that person. You know what I’m talking about. The supposed ONE.  There’s still a glimmer of hope that he’s gallivanting out there like the bumbling baboon I’ll fall madly in love with.  Let me not cause a small lapse in depression. With this obnoxious heatwave, it’s too hot to be sad.