This is 30. 

Well, I had no idea my unintentional hiatus lasted  that long. Due to the nature of the circumstances I was experiencing at the time, I suppose it makes all the sense in the world. 
If there’s one thing I learned the hard way, is that relationships and I will never get along. During my 18 month hiatus, I decided to give my now 2nd most hated ex boyfriend another chance. We actually started planning out our future which would involve marriage and me moving from NYC to Virginia. At first glance, I thought I was going to put my single girl ways behind me. But, just as life would have it, I wouldn’t get my happy ending, someone else did instead. 

Bitter? It took 3 months to get over the fact that I had the wool over my eyes but eventually, I got over it. Am I thankful? Fuck yes. Why? Because I was going to be in a contractual agreement called marriage when in reality, I wasn’t about that life. Children? I’ll just spoil my baby cousins instead. 

Where does this leave me? This past October, I turned 30 and the pressures to conform to the social norms have never been stronger. What I vowed myself is to continue to go against the grain and just live my life.

What does this mean for Broke Single Girl? My dedication, complete dedication. For the the first time since I was 18, it’s not about someone else. Still feeling that vacation bliss from visiting Miami last week, I’m going to be selfish as fuck. 

For those who stuck around, you guys are the real MVP. And if you’re new, welcome. I have a feeling we’re going to go on a crazy adventure and I can not wait.
Cheers. 

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You Need To Keep It Cool.

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Summer is here and as I slowly inch closer to 30, I’ve decided to make this upcoming season count. With that in mind, I feel like sharing my game plan with the world. I can’t be the only person that is going hard for the next three months, so here are my pearls of wisdom.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

First impressions are so crucial in order to get inside those pants tonight. Do everyone a favor, don’t ramble like a crazy person. I know that may sound extremely harsh but honestly, they are not there for the small talk. Keep it basic, you don’t even have to give out your full name. The less information you give away, the smaller chance you’ll get Facebook stalked if shit hits the fan. Trust me, you don’t want to be stalked throughout all social media avenues. Not a cute look.

Keep It Cool, Baby. 

Chances are, the person you’re making out after 5 shots of Tequila isn’t going to be your newest boyfriend/girlfriend. The last thing you want to do is to freak this person out by speaking words of commitment. Summer has become synonymous with hot and steamy hookups, so don’t make it more than it needs to be. Now, if it lasts the whole season and your curiosity peaks around September, then the two of you could have the talk. For now, just enjoy yourselves and put a condom on it.

Be Prepared

Ah yes, the mantra of the Boy Scouts. At the end of the day, you never know where the night will lead you. With that in mind, you have to keep an open mind and the essential tools. I get it, you want to look like the sexiest person in the room but you have to keep in mind of the walk of shame you’ll be doing in the morning. It can be as simple as packing up a pair of sunglasses, some Aspirin and a pair of stockings or leggings to make your commute home easier. If taking public transit is undesirable, I totally recommend using the LYFT app. I have found it to be cheaper than Uber and just as efficient. You don’t want to feel guilty about the amazing night you had by having those jealous, judgmental people staring you down. They’re envious that they couldn’t do what you did last night, don’t let the haters hold you down!

Just remember one thing, you need to have fun. Of course, you need to be careful because the last thing you want is catch something gross like or worse… Pregnancy. So as I get older and find myself less likely to want to settle down, I plan on taking it a day at a time.

Peace Out Cub Scouts.

Melissa

 

 

I’m not dead….yet

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Hello world! Well, the 3 of you that actually read this. Sorry for being so neglectful of this blog but you know, work owns my life. Yes, those long hours has taken a toll on my creative mojo but hopefully with all of my future writing endeavours, I can give my love to all of you.

Boy, a lot has happened since January and I can’t wait to share with all of you. If I have to bring my laptop to work to blog on my break, I will do it because I know some of you like to read what I have to say.

On that note, I guess Pinkstar (my laptop’s name) is coming with me to work tomorrow 🙂

To da loo bitches,

Melissa

Unintentional Hiatus.

Well look at that, guys. I’m actually alive and kicking!

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It has been a hectic few months with adjusting with the insanity of Post-Holiday retail and trying to make moves so I can afford craft beer and non-well shots when I venture to Manhattan. I guess when you work 45-50 hours a week, your blog kind of has to sit on the back burner for a little bit. But have no fear, Melissa Henry is here!!

For those you don’t leave on the Eastern Seaboard, we had a shitty winter. Due to the multiple occurances of the Polar Vortex, I was pretty much hibernating. I mean, who wants to go out in a short dress and heels when it’s 20 degrees out with a wind chill factor of -5? Not me, good sir! If I could stroll around the Meatpacking District with short shorts and strappy sandals, I totes would.

Summer is quickly approaching and it only means one thing for myself…

SINGLE GIRL ADVENTURES.

Sure, I know you guys love to read about the shit-show that is my love life but I want to switch it up! One thing that will be included from this point on is my favorite cheap spots all around NYC. Whether you’re in town for a week or live here and have no idea about these awesome places, I believe sharing is caring.

Until then my loves.

It’s Really Me and Not You.

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When having to pull the plug on a current situation you’re in, whether it’s a relationship or a booty call, using the right words is key. Having a strategy in the conversation the two of you will have has to be done precisely. The last thing people want to hear is an overused cliché. What if the cliché actually fit the situation? Then folks, by all means, USE THE DAMN CORNY LINE!

I really like to think from time to time, my outer shell is made out of titanium (cue David Guetta’s masterpiece). I have a sixth sense when it comes to dumping a guy before they realize they need to make any sort of move. Honestly, this is the greatest gift anyone can have because it potentially saves you any messy interactions. I am, not by any means, suggestion people to practice this method because I refuse to be held responsible for split ups.

Commitment? Scares me shitless. Let me be honest with you for a minute, well it depends on how fast you read this anyways. I’ve developed a male’s perspective of dating over the past 7 years of being “technically” single. I will divulge on technicalities in a future post. Believe it or not, I used to be all about getting married before being able to legally buy a bottle of Jameson. Someone smacked sense into me and luckily for you, I’m young, wild and free.

Anyways, I got off topic for a second and I apologize. I wholeheartedly live my life behind the phrase ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. I mean, it’s not your fault I don’t want a committed relationship from you, or is it? 9 out of 10 times, I’ll be honest with myself and really mean that’ it’s me who is looking for that scapegoat. That 1? I’ll save all of that juicy information for a drunk, emotional, heart-to-heart post that would probably come out just in time for Singles Awareness Day, whoops, I mean Valentine’s Day.

If you happen to be one of the unfortunate bastards that date me and get this told to you when my dating A.D.D. kicks in, fear not! I truly mean it with all of my heart, well what’s left of it anyways.

 

Catch you on the flip. xoxo Melissa

Being Single Ain’t Easy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being single. The thought of being able to stay out until 4 am, drinking and hanging with friends without hearing someone complain about it is quite amazing. With people shacking up faster than the speed of light scares me a little. I mean, who would have thought 26, going on 27 would seem old in the settling down department? Not me, that’s for sure.

Pictures of keg stands and statuses about being hungover are being replaced with friends changing their relationship status to engaged or married. Let’s clear up one thing, I’m not bitter or resentful towards them. Everyone finds their zone of happiness at different points of their life and I haven’t found mine yet.

The journey starts here. Sure, I have a double Bachelor’s degree in English and Music but it doesn’t pay the bills quite yet. I love my retail job because honestly, they treat me the way I deserve to be, with respect. As I sip on my PBR tallboy (for those in the dark, a tallboy beer is a 16oz can) before $1 beer night, I reflect on my awesome single life. I mean, not having a stable relationship in the last 4 years isn’t a bad thing, right? I love to date around and testing the waters. I mean, why buy something without trying it on right?

Folks, that’s my mantra for love and I’m sticking to it.