Oh? You’re Feeling THAT Type Of Way.

credit: gainesvillescene.com

Feels.

The concept of feelings make me extremely uncomfortable. Nothing stresses me out more than things I have no control over. Yes, I have control tendencies due to my intense analytical nature. Having the mindset of having the need to break things down into pieces can be both a blessing and a curse. When it comes to me wanting to attempt an actual relationship, my mind goes into full-blown panic mode. Why? Because I had adapted a lifestyle that included thoughtless sex that anything more than that would render my brain catatonic.

What’s a woman to do when the feels come to fruition? In all honestly, I do one of two things: purposely sabotage the relationship in the infancy stage or constantly binge drink so that my potential boyfriend thinks I’m a raging alcoholic. Terrible methods? Yes, extremely but they are highly effective. There has been instances where both my methods were not successful. Thankfully, I can make myself disappear in those worse case scenarios. Nothing makes my skin crawl than having the feels.

Does this mean that I will never have those vomit-inducing feelings towards a guy that people like Nicolas Sparks has successfully exploited for profit? Quite possibly but my girl friends would tell me otherwise. They would remind me how much of a “catch” I am and that I will find the love of my life. I mean, I’m not completely ruling this out but then again, my almost black lungs can’t afford to hold my breath. The last thing I want to do is to hold out for a hero when I could be hitting the bars and making out with complete strangers. If it so happens that I might have had a one night stand with my “soul mate” but I didn’t want to wait until the next morning to find that out. Too many booty calls and not enough hours in the day. This is especially the case when it comes to the feels; nobody has time to waste on that nonsense.

Deuces my dudes.

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